It is only on reflection that I realise not only was I torturing myself but the things that I was trying to make happen right now would be short lived, non-sustaining and cause me more hurt when they failed. I likened it to taking a chicken out of the oven when it was not cooked properly. Eating that chicken when it was raw would only make me sick and I definitely would not enjoy it.
I had to learn to cultivate patience (which was something that was definitely easy for me). However, after a period of time and watching things fail through my non-patience, caltivating patience I soon realised it was a precious gift.
Things in life come when they are meant to and they leave when they are meant to be. Trying to force things to be any other way just meant more misery and upset. I soon learnt that "if it comes, let it if it goes, let it".