I felt it important to write a blog today that is about bringing more joy and trust into our relationships. Realising and understanding that there is an emotional bank account (Stephen Covey so beautifully explains) with every person that we have in our life, helped me also to understand where I had perhaps made withdrawals, instead of making the deposits I thought
I was making.
This information was a real eye-opener for me, to say the least. In a way it helped me to understand why certain relationships in my life had broken down and how through continuing certain behaviour patterns it weakened the relationships. Having this knowledge and understanding is one thing and doing something about it is another. How can we do something about it if we don’t have the tools?
One of the most valuable tools that we can have within any relationship is taking the time to understand the person.
I love the way Stephen Covey (Seven Habits of Highly Successful People) explains this in his book. If you haven’t bought the book already a highly recommend that you do. We have no idea what constitutes a deposit for another person until we truly take the time to understand their viewpoint and what is important to them. On many occasions we have our own agenda or we perceive things from our own autobiography, our own filters. This truly does stop us from connecting and understanding another person.
What might be a deposit for you could very well be a withdrawal for another person. Without truly understanding the person we may think we are making deposit when actual fact we are making withdrawals. When too many withdrawals happen in a relationship, trust starts to so and the walls of defence grow higher. Can you think of a time in your life when somebody did something that they perceived to be nice, for you? In actual fact you didn’t appreciate the gesture at all because you realised it was more about them than it was about you? This way we can understand that sometimes what we think is making a deposit, is actually a withdrawal.
Truly understanding what is important to another person is a massive deposit and is the key to all the other deposits to. The main message for today is take your time to understand another person’s viewpoint and what is important to them. If you can put your own agenda and autobiography aside and really take your time to explore how another sees this world not only will begin to make shift in your original, possibly rigid perception, it will also open the doorway to both parties getting closer and moving forward in a more positive light and connectivity.
Carolyne, NLP Practitioner